Episode 9.
Love Languages

Question:

Why do people like to get gifts?

Key Points:

  • "The Five Love Languages" is the name of a book by Gary Chapman.
  • Everybody, including children, have different "languages" of how they express love
  • People generally have one or two "languages" which really makes them feel loved. This is, generally, how they also express love
  • The Five Love Languages
    1. Touch
      • Physical contact with the person feels like love
      • Some people really like getting hugs and kisses, but others really don't
      • If someone doesn't really feel love from a hug, then they are likely to not want one because it might make them feel akward or uncomfortable more than feel like it is an expression of love
    2. Acts of Service
      • When someone does something for someone else, the person "receiving" the act of service feels love for the person "doing" the act of service
    3. Gifts
      • Receiving something from someone else, especially something physical, is an expression of love
      • For people who's love language is gifts, the monetary value of a gift does not matter
      • What matters is the thought that was put into the gift: what the person receiving the gift would want
    4. Quality Time
      • Two different "types" of quality time: doing the same thing OR just being around each other but not doing the same thing
      • Likely that people are on a spectrum between the two "types": i.e. how much just being around someone without interacting is considered quality time
      • Just spending time around someone and not interacting in any other way might make people feel like they are forming a small relationship, but it would not be a super close relationship
    5. Words of Affirmation
      • A.k.a "Verbal", meaning having to do with what is said
      • Saying "I love you" is a form of affirmation
      • But, really "Words of Affirmation" is expressing confidence in someone and letting them know that you think they are awesome
  • Generally, believed that your love language is primarily based on "nature" as opposed to "nurture"
  • Whole point of the book: Understanding what love language someone has should influence your actions, so that you can express love in the way that they will receive it
  • Everybody feels love from all 5 love languages, but we talk about what someone's primary and secondary are, which are the two love languages which they feel love from the most
  • Relationships are formed when people feel that the other person cares about them, which is essentially, doing things from the love languages
  • Understanding what someone's love language is lets you know how to form a positive relationship with that person
  • Showing people that you care about them through all five of the love languages is essentially how to form relationships
  • Everybody has an order of love languages: it's a forced ranking system, so everybody has one which is higher than the others and one which is lower than the others